Well I threw up dinner last night, but considering that was my only purging time during the day I do not feel so terrible. I am struggling to find the middle ground of eating healthy without dieting while still wanting to lose weight. I weigh roughly 145 lbs, give or take on the day. This being up from 131 last winter. At the time however I was killing my body working for the Post Office. I have always yoyoed between low carb and binging/purging. However later this past winter I actually kept food down for over two months. I was working out a healthy amount and building muscle. Then life happened. I do miss being able to eat pizza and drink beer with no fear and being left with nothing but satisfaction while playing video games.
I suppose if I want to document my recovery process for others to use as a guide, provided I am successful, I should input my meals.
Breakfast Day 1
3 scrambled eggs in coconut oil mixed with 2 oz mixed peppers and shredded cheddar cheese (garnished with spices)
Lunch Day 1
Same thing as breakfast except with 2 eggs
I also ate a 32 oz jar of pickles throughout the day. I have read that the pickle juice is good for the gut bacteria as well as putting electrolytes back in the body (do not quote me as I have only found it through google)
Dinner Day 1
Soup- 2 boiled chicken legs (shredded after cooked), spiced for flavor, added frozen stir fry veggies.
Bagged Romaine Salad with Ranch dressing.
(this is what did not stay down…fully)
So when I started this day I was figuring I would be doing low carb. But I feel like I am already selling myself short because I am already depriving myself of any occasional splurging and enjoyment of future carbs. This is a potential trigger. I went to bed with some Biggelows Sweet Dreams tea rather than a full glass of wine.
Today I am starting the day off with a probiotic ( I did yesterday as well) with coffee and a fresh boiled egg. I am fairly short on money due to wasting it on liquor and junk food (neither of which I kept down) and losing my credit card, so I am limited till Friday when I get paid. I will be getting creative, I have a lot of chicken and wild rice. My only concern is getting my veggies in, however I donated plasma yesterday and have a few dollars left after buying hygiene products so will go buy a couple frozen veggies after work.
I will not be writing everything that is going on in my head right now in terms of what I think about myself, that being in case someone in the future is looking for guidance on recovery. All I can say is the emotions and thoughts will get worst the next week. Especially as your body is going through the changes. I cannot say they will be bad changes as long as you keep yourself on a healthy diet. In the future you can definitely splurge occasionally, after all it wouldn’t be the holidays without that piece of pie or extra cookie. But for the time being you need to be good on your digestive system, let it get back to running its course. At the same time you have to be good to yourself mentally and fight those voices. Your first week or so, wear looser clothing, you will be bloating. I cant stress enough the importance of drinking water. I would suggest taking a probiotic to help build up the good bacteria in your digestive track. I will be buying Greek yogurt, its delicious and also great for the tummy. I would avoid working out too much the next couple weeks, keep it healthy otherwise you can definitely go overboard with trying to work off anything you eat.
This next part is what I always struggle with, finding hobbies. If someone were to ask me what I enjoy doing on my free time I will normally respond, reading, writing, drawing, dancing, and watching tv. The truth is I honestly mainly drink and watch tv (along with the binging). I used to enjoy the others, however I feel that is a part of me I have lost over the past decade. I suppose maybe lack of finding myself has been my downfall in the past. Those are where the healthy coping mechanisms lie.