When anyone has ever asked me what my goals are in life I have always responded “to survive.” However now I am starting to realize that a goal of surviving means only to exist. After begging my body to let me die so many times I am realizing existing is not enough anymore. If I am stuck in this life I need to make the best of it till being alive is no longer an option.


I think the meeting with the guidance counselor went well. A word of advice for anyone who is thinking of dropping out of college, make sure you withdraw, otherwise six failing grades will come back to kick you in the ass if you ever try to go back. At this point I have done everything I can do and its a matter of waiting for the college to accept me or not. I regret having gone to college in the first place. I only went after high school because that is what was ingrained into me that I need to do.

Be Born-learn to walk and talk-Go to School (pre-k-12)- Go to College-earn degree- get married- career-buy a nice house-pay off accumulated debt-retire-die.

Do all of this while while being unique of course and if you cannot find a point to your life go to church and you will feel better. There are those of us however who do not fit into this pattern. The world is not kind to ones who fall astray. Many people have become caged and have unknowingly accepted their fate. What sets humans apart from other animals is in their mind but between technology and the media there is very little reason to think anymore. To survive takes money, to make money you need to work, there is a media channel to fit every belief so there is never a reason to think for oneself. Instinct tells us to stick with what is comfortable and what is comfortable is what is easiest relatable. Maybe this is only America for all I know, the furthest I have traveled outside the country is Canada.


If there is a god I thank him it is Friday, if there is not than I use the name in vain, but I have waited for this day since Monday. I will be heading to the lake this weekend with my daughter and her parents hopefully, and Bailey of course. I need to finish cleaning my carpets. This weekend will be for relaxing and enjoyment. Have a good Friday everyone.

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