I looked up pictures of Robin William’s death. I have always done this, looking up dead people. The first dead person I saw was when I was four at a funeral for someone in the village. I remember seeing people cry and thought the body looked weird. I can still see the body occasionally.  Looking up pictures of the dead reminds me of how mortal I really am.


On the outside I look very normal. I dress nice, wear makeup, have great hair, always smell nice, I look very put together, on the inside I am difficult and complicated. 


What I like most about blogging is there is no pressure to tell the truth. I take everything in strides and speak as I go. I have never been good at talking about my feelings none the less expressing them. I will never tell a lie to my followers. If I cannot be a role model because I am very fucked up myself, I will always be honest.


I have been thinking a lot about my beliefs. I am pretty sure I’ve mentioned thinking the afterlife is another dimension we cannot comprehend. We all are a part of the same cycle whether it be decaying into the ground and becoming a part of the earth to the earth revolving around the sun as a piece of dust in the galaxy that is a piece of dust in the universe. I believe a lot of religions have been corrupted by human greed to control the population. I am not saying Jesus or Muhammad weren’t real but I do believe a lot of history has been rewritten since their existence. I also believe a lot of their teachings are what makes sense to the survival of the human species. After all, if we all practiced what was taught like always forgiving and loving your neighbor, would we really have all this hate and greed? I find it ironic however that many christians in America are very quick to judge others, such as families on food stamps and yet have no problem idolizing public figures.

I do not like all this hate in the world, its actually very scary. If I of all people can learn to forgive than why cant everyone else? Maybe this thought is naive and selfish but hate eventually becomes very heavy.  If everyone in the world realized how every action they conducted rippled, would anyone continue to live the same way? Instead people hope the afterlife will bring a heaven that is not even guaranteed. Humans fear mortality. We cannot fathom our existence ending for good. We cannot even comprehend what forever means because with forever time doesn’t exist. If all energy is shared, than the actions we make in this world will effect the next. I have also thought about how even with ghost hunting, energy is sought after. If one does not believe in ghosts, than demons create negative energies also. This energy is what causes me to believe the afterlife is connected to our known reality, because energy cannot be created nor destroyed.


Well yesterday went okay. The day was very boring at work but I got off early so that was nice, I will be getting off early today also. Bailey had a great time at the park with his buddies even though it was very warm out. There was a nice breeze which felt great. The skies are hazy from all the smoke from Canada and possibly California. Nature seems very off balance these days. I enjoyed a little bit of wine with my daughters mom last night and watched a show called Lucifer, it was not too bad, not the greatest acting. Tonight is the Halestorm concert which is my first real concert so I am getting excited. I am REALLY hoping to hear from the college today, all they need is my high school transcript which was mailed yesterday from where I graduated. I can from experience say the post office sucks haha. I hope I my blabbering was not too boring, I just can never shut my mind off and critically think a lot. Well peeps, the week is almost over, think happy thoughts and as always, be good to yourself.

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