Hello

I am very ready for the weekend. I put in a request for tomorrow off since I have orientation. That is in the morning but I still would like a three day weekend. I bought a new computer yesterday, a nice reliable one for school. My old one was acting weird and I know how I would react if it would die on me during a test or something. I would act like its the end of the world and that I will fail the class and in turn be a failure at life. I’m not saying this isn’t illogical because it very much is, but it is very much me and it would take awhile to get my emotions and thoughts back in check. I am awfully tired. My mind has been too excited about school it wont shut off so I can sleep at a decent time. Well, I will clean tonight and take a nice hot bath and try to get to bed early. Actually that thought sounds delightful but knowing me my mind will be full blast around 6 and will not shut off till midnight. I may have to have my sleepytime tea since I get school pictures tomorrow and last thing I want is to look like an ole hag who turned into a zombie. I am already old enough when it comes to going back to school. SOooo, there is really no point to this blog other than to say Hello! to my readers. I do not have any stories really today. Oh, here is one…AHEM*

When I was around 6ish years old we were visiting my cousins in Oklahoma and I was playing with a girl around my age (such a snot)¬† (which cousin this is, I dont know, my dad came from a very catholic family so had 11 siblings (because you know, no birth control) and my mom came from the rez and had 10 siblings (rez life being drugs and booze with no responsibility on sex) so I honestly don’t know how many cousins I have, I think we counted 43 first cousins once on my moms side) We were hanging out and she decided to show me her parakeet. We played with the bird for awhile and than it was time to eat. So we ate and whatnot and I wanted to play with the bird again but I think she said no, someone said no. Well, defiant little me eventually snuck back into her room while she was busy with something else. The rest happened pretty fast but I remember my dad calling me saying it was time to go, and than my heart racing because I was going to get into trouble, and right next to me was an empty pencil box so in the box he went and into the bottom of the toybox the pencil box went. My dad was a very stern man who never smiled when I was younger so if he was upset he would frighten me, not because he ever hurt me, I just was anxious about everything. Well, we eventually said our goodbyes to the cousins and left. A little later on we must have gotten to my dads grandmas trailer because the cousins we visited had called and asked if we had seen their daughters bird. I of course said no and never did tell anyone what I did. I never did hear if the bird was found, I am assuming he was. I still cannot remember which cousin this was, but I never really liked my dads side of the family much. I can’t say there are all racist anymore but they have made us feel inferior before many times, especially my mom. It wasn’t until I was 18 or so that his mom wanted to try and reach out to my sister and I to build connections. I think my sister tried but his mom flaked out again because her other grandkids “needed” her. My sister was too young to have witnessed that when it happened before but I remembered so I didn’t even try. Besides, I was 18 and had my grandma (mom’s mom) who I loved to death and was seriously the best grandma anyone could ask for. She died this past Christmas. But yes, back to the bird, I do still feel bad for the bird but I was also a kid too with a lot of problems. It does give me a good insight to where I was at emotionally and when possible negative reactions from people started causing anxiety for me.

So I feel like going to back to bed and snuggling with Bailey. I cannot so I am going to go get some coffee and maybe walk around the block. My day off was approved for tomorrow so three day weekend here I come, whooo! Well, have a good day y’all.

 

Goodbye

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