I am on a familiar edge. I don’t know why I feel as I do these days. I don’t feel good enough for anyone. I feel like just another birthmother. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone because no one can understand what I am feeling. Everything I say offends someone. I feel like I am passively being chased away. Maybe I am supposed to go away, I don’t know.  My back feels painful today again. Bailey is still acting hurt. I am only coming to work because I need to pay bills. I know this is depression and I know all I can do is wait it out. I am gaining weight and barely being able to fit my clothes makes me feel worst. I feel ugly. I cracked my phone screen pretty bad last night. Wine nor beer seem to really have any taste these days so I barely have more than a drink if even a night. I feel exhausted and tired. It is hard to smile lately but theres a few people who still manage to make me laugh. My tummy is still burning a little from taking my pain meds without a meal yesterday. I wish I could have started the school year in a better place. I need to get my mind straight otherwise I will sink too low. Oh depression, how much I have missed you….not really.