It is weird to know I have support from people I do not even now, for this I am grateful.
Today was okay, I didn’t really sleep last night I do not think. I slept with my eyes open and when I do that I always seem to wake up exhausted. When I sleep with my eyes open I see the world pass by fast but steady. It’s like watching a slow film that’s black slowly turn bright within seconds and when I look at the clock five hours have passed by.
I wonder what it would feel like to have someone enjoy my company enough they could never get tired of me.
I was told twice today that I look like I am losing weight. To be honest I don’t think I am. I have lost a lot of muscle this past year since leaving the post office. I had the most amazing legs last year, after all, walking over twenty miles a day will cause that. I miss that great body I used to have. I know I could get it back with hard work, but there are other things to worry about such as school and work.
I am going to listen to the support I have and look for a nicer apartment come May.
Sometimes I feel like I am waiting for what will never happen and that any effort I put into what I am is amounting to nothing. I am selfish but how much am I making a fool of myself? I suppose this does not make sense but it is just a thought that I cant explain the basis behind yet.
I haven’t really been able to think today. Work was busy trying to get caught up on shipments over the holiday weekend. I have been trying to keep up with schoolwork. Tomorrow should be better.
My mind is exhausted today and my emotions are low. Goodnight my fellow peeps.