Well, the shittiest time of year is officially over. I pretty much ruined yesterday for my daughter and her family. Holidays are filled of an overwhelming sadness when you choose adoption for a child. Holidays hit a birthmother full force because it is realized she can never give her child the Christmas she grew up with. A birthmother will never be able to take her child home for the holidays. Traditions die with adoption. But what do these traditions even mean? Traditions I am still holding onto from my grandma? She’s dead as well as almost everyone else the holiday season was spent with. I am not Christian so celebrating holidays for a religious reason is kinda bogus. I can never have a family of my own, I couldn’t do that to my daughter. So if I ruin everything, why even try? So here I cry, again, oh my god, I have literally cried two days strait and I left my concealer at home, ugh.

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