I love these beautiful mornings. The sky is starting to look like winter again. For awhile there they almost looked like summer clouds it was so warm. While I do appreciate the warm weather, that is not the way our seasons are supposed to work. Our planet and the animals are all meant to be on a certain cycle but that cycle is so off balance. I had a theory about humanity a while back. I read this theory that the Arc Gene, the gene that is theoretically responsible for giving us our intelligence, could have possibly been a virus. It would explain so much because the ultimate goal of a virus is to infect, what better way to infect the Earth then buy giving a mammal intelligence. Ultimately, with that intelligence we are polluting and killing the planet, so infecting the Earth. There does seem to be a change happening however with people waking up and realizing that this planet can eventually die if we don’t change.

This was how yesterday began, it didn’t really wind up as good as it started, but I wasn’t sure if it was worth just posting that paragraph.

The weather this morning is overcast, it is a gloomy day. I am okay with that. I picked up hours at work and my mood today is kind of just bleh. When I am at work I fool others into thinking I am always this really happy chipper person, it almost makes me fool myself. The coworker I am working with though is a friend so I can be fairly honest with him of how I am feeling. It is nice to have that at work too. I have some sausage, eggs, and bacon cooking, it smells pretty good. Hopefully that with my coffee with lift my mood. I went to bed a little late, almost midnight. I was working on bills, my spring semester schedule, and listening to creepy videos on youtube. I like listening to creepy videos of hauntings, 911 calls, or even the dark web. I also like watching walkthroughs of creepy video games.

Day 6 of my Month of Sobriety

Well, today marks day six without a drink. I do not really feel any more possible detox symptoms, if I ever had any. I was pretty stressed and bummed last night and really felt like I needed a drink and my mind kept trying to fool me into thinking I did, but I didn’t. I think there is a difference between “needing” a drink and “wanting” a drink. It’s the “needing” that I have to watch out for. Well, I had some tummy tea and night time tea instead while cleaning and figuring finances. Other then that being sober is pretty easy. I still am excited to try one of my new wines but after a month I will appreciate it a lot more.

Eating Wise

I managed to take a shit two days in a row so I think that means my tummy is figuring itself out.  My friend suggested eating cooked veggies because they are easier to digest. I thought it was the other way around so I was loading up on salad. Well, I ate a ton of steamed veggies yesterday because they were pretty good and went and bought a nice little steamer last night. It is just a stovetop one but if it does the trick, great! Normally if I eat cooked veggies it is from my soup but now that I know this I will be making sure half my veggies are cooked. I have not binged or purged in six days and have been loading up on probiotics and tummy tea. The tummy tea I bought is supposed to help the probiotics get deep inside the digestive tract before they start working, it sounds like a gimmick but I will see I suppose. I have been fairly bloated so I am still trying to load up on water. I do not want to take a laxative, I want my tummy to figure its stuff on its own. It is easier not to eat so much or want to purge after a few days. I think that is why I like keto so much, because I can eat without guilt. I feel different this time though, it’s all a lot easier.

I have to wonder if I am putting too much pressure on myself. To not drink AND not to b/p. Am I setting myself up for failure? With my ten goals, I would rather fail at not drinking for a month, that seems to have the least percussions. I cannot fail at the b/p, my teeth can’t last much longer if I do. I suppose I can have all new ones put in, but that seems like a lot of unnecessary money. Am I giving myself too much pressure my blogging? I would like to think of it as a stress reliever, but maybe not with so many goals. I start school tomorrow and from there on life will be overly busy. Tomorrow will already suck at work. Sigh, not sure what to think right now peeps, good night.