Recovery is not an easy task. Sure it has been over five months now that I have not self induced vomited but time doesn’t always make the “want” any easier when it comes. I can be proud of myself all I want but it does not make looking in the mirror any easier when I see how I have let myself go. And I don’t even know if thats the right terminology because it wasn’t really just “letting myself go,” it was just plain fucking tired of trying to be so fucking perfect. I do feel better on low carb, I really do. I splurged this weekend on cookies and Mexican food and my knees are killing me today. I am so bloated and my head feels so foggy. My body hasn’t really processed sugar for a decade now. I don’t know if I wan’t to to learn how other than fruits anyways. I do need to take the low carbing more seriously though if thats the lifestyle I choose. My goal is to do low carbing till I get back down to a healthy weight and than incorporate fruit. I know I used to talk like this all the time but purging would easily break that goal. Maybe now that I do not vomit and now that I don’t feel the need to over drink anymore I can actually have a handle on this. Either way, getting any heavier is not going to help my back or knees. I have come a long way but there is still so long to go.
I had a couple more people read my book today. I wonder who (I really don’t know). I haven’t been promoting it in over a week due to finals and being sick. Well, whoever is reading it, I hope you like it and will leave me a good review 🙂
Today was just another day at work. I am trying my best to get into another department. I know I could have it so easy where I am at but easy is not for me. I need to be challenged, kept busy, and feel I have a purpose. I do not feel like I am contributing to the company, and thats because I am not being challenged. I really hope someday soon I can feel like I am serving our clients again.
Bailey and I went to the park tonight. He is honestly the best pup. I am so happy I rescued him. It’s like we grow with each other. He was so frail when I adopted him. I know the lady who took him out of his abusive environment helped him all she could be he still had such a long way to go. Now he is becoming more of a playful high energetic dog. He will play fetch and even tug of war. He is no longer so submissive. He will walk up to some people and even let them pet him. I said once before if there is hope for Bailey there is hope for me, I’d say we are on the right track.
I didn’t meet with my personal trainer this morning. I could not sleep at all last night. I don’t know if its because Game of Thrones was just so mind boggling or what but I am pretty sure I mayyyybee got an hour of sleep. I have been living off caffeine all day. With that I had better go clean up and do some errands. Everyone have a good evening and be good to yourselves.