You ever have those times where you wish someone, just anyone, would give a shit? That someone could understand, understand the pressure, the emptiness, the anxiety, the waiting to fail but being afraid to succeed, just someone who can just be happy and excited for you, but also knowing you don’t deserve any of it, breathing can be so hard. Two days of hiding under my covers, sure I’m acquiring everything I wanted but there’s still the pain of swallowing, the knowing at any point all it takes is a single moment for me to lose everything. I hate my recovered body, will I ever be able to look in the mirror again without crying? Life’s not fair, but I think I probably deserve it all. I want to breath without choking. I want to see the sky without sadness. To wake up without dreading work. Can I handle it? If I can’t than I lose it all. Sucky for me all I do is choke. Choke and fall, take a leap but the edge breaks off, try to run but the air is no longer oxygen. Light bleeds through the blinds, over my head my blankets go.

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