Just Living

Oh meh gosh peeps, I read so much last night. I am trying to start this school year out as strong as I can. Once I feel like I am ahead than I can fully make a schedule that will work with work, hockey, and seeing my daughter and her parents. I am trying to keep Saturdays as open as possible for just the four of us.I am excited. I think I am getting ahead in school. What better time to get ahead than the first week of school when there is nothing really due?

Eating Wise

My eating has been pretty easy going. Haven’t b/p in ten days now. It’s fairly easy to keep nutritious foods down. I don’t really feel hungry much and when I do I eat till I am full and satisfied. I am not sure how this will be once I start incorporating fruits. I try to keep myself on the edge of keto so reintroducing carbs won’t be too extreme. I am looking at this as more of a jumpstart for my digestive system. I made a home made chicken soup last night and boiled the veggies to where they were nice and soft, broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots. Once my digestive system is working well I will probably start eating a little bit of fruit and start incorporating some greek yogurt and maybe steel cut oats with flax. It will be a gradual thing. I know obviously I can’t eat low carb forever. I feel real good though about my eating.

Drinking Wise

I had a Truly last night. I originally poured a glass of wine to relax but ended up pouring it out because I didn’t feel like having it. The Truly was nice to just relax a little without becoming bloated. Honestly tea works better for sleep so school nights thats probably what I will have from here on. I made sure to have it after I read a crap load in my classes though, you know…responsibilities first.

I doodled while listening to a lecture last night. I just let my hand do the drawing while I took in what the instructor was saying. It’s a form of drawing I suppose but I think it helped me concentrate more to what was being said.

HOCKEY TODAY! I need to enjoy the free time I have to the fullest because I don’t have much of it. I will probably get off early so I can donate plasma. I actually have cash on me for the game so this is just extra. Its amazing how much money I have been saving by not b/p. I would say in the past ten days I have saved myself over a hundred dollars EASILY. Also, there is not that false need to drink. I am making sure to take my probiotics and vitamins and am drinking adequate water. If I keep this up it really wont take much to build a savings. There is no urge to purge though even when I am full. I still have yet to really take a shit in a few days now though but I don’t feel constipated so who knows whats going on there.

I feel kind of boring these days. I feel way too normal, like I am just an average ole person working and going to school. I don’t feel stuck but I just feel bleh. Like obviously my past is the past but it defined me for so long and now I am on my way to make a better future for myself. Life is just steady and uneventful which is okay, it’s just weird. After the “Life comes in 3’s” postings it felt like an end of a chapter in my life. I almost see my past as very boring. Since that chapter ended a few months ago, I worked hard and pulled myself up the rest of the way I needed to go to get where I am at and now, life is just average. I am not so stressed these days and my heart does not hurt anymore. The low moods are only temporary if I have them. Now I have to be normal and decide what career path I really want to take, I honestly feel like I have so many doors open when it comes to my education and success. I feel my mind changing. Maybe I can even go in Biology and be a scientist here LOL. Nah..I don’t think I would enjoy that. Well, I had better get to work, have a great day peeps and remember, just because you are on the streets does not mean there is no hope, even if it seems like that. Just keep on fighting.


Ready for Bed

Today was exhausting but I hope I made a difference. As everyone knows, my daughters parents and I spoke with a group of aspiring parents at the adoption agency today. My goal was to have future parent’s understand the benefits of open adoption since there are those who kind of sway away from the idea or are intimidated. I would say there were 6ish couples and three adoption counselors, the one who did our adoption had the day off so was not present. Thats kinda too bad because I was looking forward to seeing her. I think the three of us were honest about out process and the emotions that came from each of us, positive and negative. Even with how emotional and chaotic the adoption started out we worked past that. I wont dive too much into how everything went since I would like to sleep on it. I think it went well though.

My eating was pretty off today. I think it’s because of all the emotions in the day. I fell off keto but I won’t beat myself up for it. I went through a lot of feelings today and comforted myself with b/p. I can’t say it was a bad thing, the class, because it wasn’t. I guess I still suck at comfortably expressing my thoughts and feelings, especially to a group of people I do not know.

I went tanning this morning. It felt really nice. I am excited for when I can work out again. My finger is feeling a lot better. I want to be healthy and strong.

I think I will be signing Bailey up for doggy day care every Monday. I didn’t get home till 630 this evening, I was gone almost 12 hours. I feel bad leaving Bailey home alone that long. The lady who runs the doggy meet ups takes her dogs to a doggy daycare that is right down the street from my work so I can drop Bailey off in the morning. It’s 24 dollars a day or I can buy a package of 10 for 190 dollars, so then 19 dollars. For being able to leave him from 7am to 7pm I do not consider that price bad at all. I just hope he does well without me. They said they would keep him segregated until he starts being comfortable with his surroundings and put him with pups who fit well with him. It makes me very anxious to think about but I think it will be good for him. I just don’t want any other pups to be mean to him.

Well, I am exhausted. I should get to bed soon. It was a very draining day, but a good day none the less. I have a busy day tomorrow. I am going to try and get off on time and then study for my psychology test Wednesday. I also want to get assignments due Wednesday finished tomorrow. There is hockey this week so I need to make sure and have homework done before than. I have fairly big assignments due this week so it’s a heavier load this week.  Have a good night everyone. Be good to yourself….I really am trying.

Oh life, it is Tiring

Ugh, I am exhausted. I was at work by 7am and didn’t get off till around 5:30pm…maybe a little later. I am trying to get as much overtime this week since I am filling in this week. I had to go to Walmart after work and than got home and did homework. I am working hard towards my goals.

The laxatives I took yesterday worked a little too well, it was literally an all day event. With how hard it was to do number 2 having taken three, I don’t want to know how much pain I would have been in if I didn’t take them. The last time I was trying to recover and my belly swelled, it was huge and so painful. I couldn’t move because my belly hurt so bad. So I would like to think I saved myself from that. So I ate tons of salad today to try and clear the rest of everything out. I think I should take a probiotic tomorrow to get some good bacteria back in my tummy. I did purge a little once, I am not sure why. I think there was some fear about having that pain happen again. All in all, I pretty much ate tons of salad, one was a chicken, another was a ham, and another was a steak.

I bought a few Atkins shakes. I do not want to have the bars yet because as for now, I see it being a potential trigger for a b/p session. They will be easy to keep in my desk at work so I can grab one when I am feeling like I need a boost but no time to slow down. At least I am getting calories, protein, a couple carbs, vitamins, and whatnot. I just want to make sure I am getting my nutrients.

My finger is still aching but its bleeding a lot more than its actually bothering me. I have been keeping all form of activity away from it. It is still having uncontrolled bleeding every time I change the bandages, but it seems to be doing better a little.

Considerably less gauze for the bleeding while changing, I had some wine tonight beforehand so I could press harder to stop the bleeding. It is crazy how much it is still bleeding considering I did this like last Thursday.

Well, I am going to bed. Tomorrow will be another long day. I have to somehow write a huge essay since Friday night hockey starts and my paper is due Saturday. My goal is to get fifty hours in this week….if not maybe 48? Puck drop is at 7:05 so I want to make sure to get their early because free shirts will be given out to the first of so many people. Yawns…goodnight everyone!

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