To all my readers I know I have not written in a while. I have been going through many changes. I took the leap to find a safe nice place that I can call home, and I did. I will take pictures later on. I just wanted my readers to know I am okay and alive. I have not done anything harmful, although times have been stressful enough I have definitely thought of doing so, but I haven’t and I won’t. I am keeping strong. It has been stressful these past few weeks. I am realizing where I belong in my daughters family and I am trying to find out where I am in my life. I love my new apartment, I feel safe and I have been sleeping in the dark with ALL the lights off. I just wanted everyone to know I am okay,
Today was a lot better emotionally than yesterday, however my coworker had to tick me off pretty bad. So, we all know she’s a bitch, and not the good kind either, she’s the dangerous kind. She is the kind that will feed off everyones negativity, meaning, if someone is having a problem she will always be there to talk, but not just talk, but to instigate. For example, lets say a coworker comes up and says they got assigned to do something they aren’t looking forward to but its part of their job, no big deal right? Just a little complaining, everyone does it. This kind of lady though will feed on that and start talking about the person who assigned the project and whatever else he is doing wrong and of course he has to be lazy. All of a sudden this small task that wasn’t a big deal is now more extreme and unfair. One can ask, well than why go to her for problems? Because we are human, and bitching is always easy and its far easier to get into the tarpit than to acknowledge maybe we can be wrong. This dangerous kind is also the kind who will be nice when she needs something. It is kind of funny how nasty she can be behind others backs but than so nice to them directly. She will spread this tar like an infection because everyone has problems and everyone has an opinion of the right and wrong way to do things. Most of us naturally quickly shrug off a problem once we have had our say without any infection happening, however once this nastiness starts, it’s really hard to stop. People become miserable and feel they hate their jobs, except, they don’t really. If they stopped to breath and to watch from the outside, they could see where this bitterness comes from. It is a lot easier to bitch and gossip than to take this step but when one does, that infection is easy to trace. Once a person does this however, they realize how much calmer they are.
It wasn’t a good day with my partner, however I think I am going to have a talk with her and my manager together. I don’t feel like playing these games anymore. I will just have to be straight up with how I am feeling. She has been getting worst now that she sees I will not listen to her. That is okay, because once an infection is realized, one can do what they need to treat it. I can not say it will change for anyone else, but for me, yes. My finger is doing okay, it’s burning and itching off an on but it looks like it is healing well. I find it funny however that the day it decides to stop bleeding I become the next bloody mary with my cycle.
I will leave this post short since I want to get to bed. I want to be better to myself. I need to find where the infections are in my life. I will try to get better at blogging. I have ideas in my head but I have been so stressed from work that I can barely even concentrate on homework. I will not let this happen anymore. I just have to stand up for myself and tell her to fuck off….in the nicest work way possible. Well, goodnight everyone.