Post IUD removal, Day 7 (updated)

I can’t say today has improved much. I moved my appointment from yesterday to next Friday, so two weeks post removal. I was in bed a majority of the day yesterday, actually the past few days now, I think, I honestly can’t really remember. I just don’t have the energy to get up and my head always hurts. It has been a week now since I have had my IUD removed. I am trying to keep a routine of some sort, I just have no energy. I barely even have bursts of energy or highs anymore. I just feel like I exist and thats it. My mind is in a fog and I feel a pressure in my head. I think my dog hates me. If I feel any emotion its just sadness for no real reason at all. I was hoping to enjoy my vacation but it has started out fairly shitty. Not caring makes me feel like shit for not caring.

I am tired of purging already, I did again last night. The last thing I need to feel is a streppy like throat. That’s what it makes my throat feel like, I don’t know if thats how everyone who purges feels. I am sure that is causing some imbalance as well. There’s no reason to it, its not comforting at the slightest, not even the familiarity. In fact I don’t feel anything. I can’t even thought process. I think that’s the worst part actually. I have always been able to break down my thoughts and emotions to where they make sense psychologically and I can’t. I have taken two hours to even write this small amount and it makes no sense at all. I can’t have a straight thought process. I want this so bad to be over, I want to feel something.

I think maybe I should take Bailey to PetCo today, let him buy a toy. I feel bad I can’t be a better owner to him. At least I feel some emotion I guess, it’ll go away I am sure.

I am taking care of my friends kitties next week. I am excited for that, I really like them. I like my own cats too, just their 20+ pound cat always makes me feel better.

I was turned down for another job application, twice actually for one application lol, well okay then.

I shouldn’t feel the way that I do. I know I have worked so hard for so much and have come so far. I just can’t get out of this state. I hate it. All I have been doing is sleeping. I was asleep by 930 last night and woke up at around 10 today. I have drank a full pot of coffee almost, finishing up my last cup, and I am still exhausted. Please just some relief soon.

I am going to go shower, do the normal routine. I have a chicken breast thawing so I can wrap it in bacon and steam some vegetables for a nice low carb healthy late lunch. I’ll drink as much water as I can today. Have a good day everyone. I will be surviving.

Update: My hair is starting to break off when I comb it, this has never happened before, and I have been taking biotin everyday the past couple weeks, even upped it. Also my skin feels so itchy. Idk if these are withdrawal signs from hormones, just seemed relevant.

Just a lil update :)

This month is Native American Heritage month so I just got done making fresh fry bread for my team.

Apparently frybread comes in many names, a friend of mine is from Connecticut and they call them fried dough, which sure, makes sense, but frybread just sounds warm and cozy haha. I am leaving her some on her desk.

I enjoy cooking and baking for my team, actually I enjoy cooking and baking but enjoy that my team will eat what I make so I don’t have so much temptation. I did enjoy a couple pieces however, maybe three, and bailey even got some.

I am very much into herbal extracts now. Yesterday was a good tester. So the guy who I was talking about before, lets just call him Joey, him and I have been talking a lot. I invited him to last nights hockey game a little over a week ago because my daughters parents were busy with a birthday party for my daughters grandmas and so they said I could use them for friends or whatever. I should have just invited coworkers and worked on my networking but no, I decided to invite Joey. I know its been a hard year on him since he just lost his brother and he has been talking about how depressing the holidays are going to be because of that, I know he has been stressed at work and hes made comments to me about how he should quit drinking, so I figured sure, I’ll take him because hockey is great to watch and no alcohol needed. I am not sure why I was so upset because I honestly expected him to disappoint me, like he doesn’t have the greatest track record, I don’t know, it’s weird, I was disappointed that I was disappointed. So Halloween night he is drunk texting me a bunch and than yesterday he messages me saying he has been dealing with insomnia and had a headache so couldn’t go but he really wanted to. I suppose I should be happy that he at least had the courtesy to let me know unlike the last time he ghosted me for a week. My daughters mom whom admits to being a softie thinks I should explain my thoughts with him, my other friend who is like my twin in ways says just say to hell with him LOL. I am actually kind of at the point of just saying whatever, your not my problem. But anyways, after a small exchanging of messages I could feel the extremeness building so I took some of my herbal extract and was able to calm down just enough that I could get my thoughts in order. I didn’t go to the game but meal prepped, cleaned, and watched Netflix for a bit before going to bed at a decent time. The Force won so it would have been a good game to go to, I was just feeling pretty bummed. So anyways, yeah, herbal extracts work amazingly, people can be really shitty friends, and meal prepping saves a bunch of time and calories.

I started the grocery store this past week, so I have been fairly busy. I really like my manager, she is a very happy chipper person. I think I will enjoy having the social aspect of the job versus at the bank where I am in my cubicle and trying to keep good numbers and percentages. Don’t get me wrong, I love structure, but I also enjoy being social at least a little bit, so I think the grocery store will help balance that out.

Guess who lost her debit card again?!? That’s right, ME! I think I left it in the ATM at the bank actually LOL. Ugh, I lose my cards way too much. Seriously though, why am I such a ditz sometimes. I was actually very in awe about being able to deposit cash into my bank account through an ATM, thus why I think I left it there.

Life is going okay all in all I suppose. Alcohol isn’t a thing anymore, neither is the bulimia really. Like I am dealing with the effects of ‘recovery ” again, I only put that in quotes because it’s been awhile now, I wanna say a month, since I purged but I am not sure, I didn’t put it notate it. But I don’t know, its just whatever I guess. I know I should go to the gym when I can afford it, I need to start getting cardio in, the stairs are becoming a bit more exhausting than I would like. Step by step I suppose, next paycheck. Well, I have to make my salad before work, just wanted to give a little update everything is good, have a good day everyone!